My wife of 27 years has suffered with horrible endometriosis since the birth of our second child, years of no sex, many doctors, many procedures that didn't really work. We are still together, occasionally when it all aligns for her we have some version of sex. I hope you find someone who realizes that a relationship can survive anything if there is a deep connection, call it love, call it loyalty, call it settling if you want, but the importance of that one thing fades as other things become more important.
this is why i feel like monogamy engraved culture hurts people more than it helps.
cuz one person isnt suppose to fulfill all your needs, and if you dont adhere to monogamy you would be OK with your partner seeking what you cant give them with someone else.
& you could have others “lovers” that are just as asexual than you
Non monogamy is about reproduction, not sex. I'd argue it's mainly a male reproductive strategy from the biological standpoint. People are too obsessed with sex.
I think the deeper problem here is the author wants to be loved in her entirety by another person, with the love that functional monogamous relationships have. You know, there's something romantic about the notion that another person could look at you, on the bed, and think "I genuinely want nothing else in life." Polyamory might be very practical, but this need to be elevated above the rest of humanity, to be special in the eyes of your beloved, I don't think polyamory would meet this need. On the contrary, I think being in love with a guy who fucks other women because of her difficulties would only reinforce her mother's wisdom that "that when the sex dies the relationship becomes more of an arrangement, a wholly different dynamic predicated mainly on logistics and convenience." It's very convenient and logistically sound for a woman whose vagina is tricky to let her man fuck other people. But is it romantic?
It's a romantic idea to think that if I had a girlfriend with this problem, I would be all about how cuddling and work-arounds would be satisfactory. I do believe that meaningless sex is what men use as a substitute for real intimacy, and I've said before that I would take that real intimacy over sex if those were my options.
However, I've never actually had to make that choice, nor would I really want to. The truth is that those two things are not easily divorced. They compliment each other. This is a sobering article. That shit sucks.
This was raw, deep, and heartfelt. Thank you for bearing your soul and sharing with us.
Yes, it’s possible to find a man who will be genuinely open to a sexless marriage but is that what you truly want? I believe there is hope for you to find healing within your body and experience the deep pleasure you deserve.
Sounds like you are still in a loophole of proving yourself worthy through sex even when it hurts physically and emotionally.
Healing begins when you can prioritize your needs and let go of people who are willing to take advantage of your insecurities for their own personal gain.
This moved me to tears. I've struggled a lot with my reproductive health over the last few years, and it completely derailed my life. I had the same questions you did. I wondered if I was still lovable with my ever-changing, severely symptomatic condition. If I was worth going through the trouble of doctor's appointments, invasive exams, regular and hefty bloodwork, or the trial and error of medication options. If I would have to keep doing it alone.
It's possible, I've come to find.
I really hope that you find your person. The guy who holds you through the pain, and will never tell you to just suck it up so he can have a good time. The guy who will hold your hand through your doctor's visits and advocate for you to be heard and understood when those bastards try to tell you the pain is all in your head. The guy who will hang onto every word you say because to him, it is the most important thing in the world. That guy exists. I really hope he's on his way to you now. You deserve nothing short of the best.
every time you post a new piece i get so excited to moan and groan in agony while reading it because your prose is so exceptional. never stop writing ms wolk.
“I didn’t understand her dogma about sex being the anchor to love and monogamy, because love and monogamy were carrying the cake with four hands at every birthday party before middle school and sex packed boxes into a U-Haul and changed your zip code.” GOD
I always felt ostracized as an impotent woman by the Canadian cigarette packaging that warns about male impotency. What about me? It’s probably not helping me either. Anyways, you would be a great comic while in love too.
This is going to sound like the dumbest thing you've heard this year, but do something like, find a Shaman, drop DMT, and ask them directly what's going on and what to do. The answers aren't going to be on this side, or not quick enough, I fear.
Why is this not dumb? Because women who've had vaginismus and difficult, fearful births also have symptoms lessen when they get more insight into what's going on. Trauma, past lives, who knows? A thousand stories and it's different for everyone. Even if they don't wake up with a different miracle body, it starts a path somewhere that doesn't end.
And don't over emphasize penetration, it's not the big mojito, or doesn't have to be.
god, the way you write is goooorgeous. I kept copying lines into my clipboard that I wanted to just quote in a comment and say "wow" and then I collected too many so I'm just saying this. I scrolled past this on my work computer the first time (so didn't click haha) and I am soooo glad it came up on my feed again!
My wife of 27 years has suffered with horrible endometriosis since the birth of our second child, years of no sex, many doctors, many procedures that didn't really work. We are still together, occasionally when it all aligns for her we have some version of sex. I hope you find someone who realizes that a relationship can survive anything if there is a deep connection, call it love, call it loyalty, call it settling if you want, but the importance of that one thing fades as other things become more important.
this is why i feel like monogamy engraved culture hurts people more than it helps.
cuz one person isnt suppose to fulfill all your needs, and if you dont adhere to monogamy you would be OK with your partner seeking what you cant give them with someone else.
& you could have others “lovers” that are just as asexual than you
well humans didnt start off monogamous, you were programmed to be, but go on yall whatever floats your boat
was sharing another perspective to help you out
also being a single and a hoe is non monogamy but go on 😂
I can't get behind this 😭. Non monogamy is insane to me.
like if imma be non monogamous im just gonna be single and hoe. i can’t have three boyfriends a girlfriend and a dog and a horse
Non monogamy is about reproduction, not sex. I'd argue it's mainly a male reproductive strategy from the biological standpoint. People are too obsessed with sex.
I think the deeper problem here is the author wants to be loved in her entirety by another person, with the love that functional monogamous relationships have. You know, there's something romantic about the notion that another person could look at you, on the bed, and think "I genuinely want nothing else in life." Polyamory might be very practical, but this need to be elevated above the rest of humanity, to be special in the eyes of your beloved, I don't think polyamory would meet this need. On the contrary, I think being in love with a guy who fucks other women because of her difficulties would only reinforce her mother's wisdom that "that when the sex dies the relationship becomes more of an arrangement, a wholly different dynamic predicated mainly on logistics and convenience." It's very convenient and logistically sound for a woman whose vagina is tricky to let her man fuck other people. But is it romantic?
I know this is probably beside the point and not my business but why not attempt to date a girl? Anyway love this and you 💗
Cuz she want dick
Well said Smegma
It's a romantic idea to think that if I had a girlfriend with this problem, I would be all about how cuddling and work-arounds would be satisfactory. I do believe that meaningless sex is what men use as a substitute for real intimacy, and I've said before that I would take that real intimacy over sex if those were my options.
However, I've never actually had to make that choice, nor would I really want to. The truth is that those two things are not easily divorced. They compliment each other. This is a sobering article. That shit sucks.
the concept of a creampie at the end of the rainbow... brilliant
me and my 3 years post hymenectomy pussy love you
This was raw, deep, and heartfelt. Thank you for bearing your soul and sharing with us.
Yes, it’s possible to find a man who will be genuinely open to a sexless marriage but is that what you truly want? I believe there is hope for you to find healing within your body and experience the deep pleasure you deserve.
Sounds like you are still in a loophole of proving yourself worthy through sex even when it hurts physically and emotionally.
Healing begins when you can prioritize your needs and let go of people who are willing to take advantage of your insecurities for their own personal gain.
This moved me to tears. I've struggled a lot with my reproductive health over the last few years, and it completely derailed my life. I had the same questions you did. I wondered if I was still lovable with my ever-changing, severely symptomatic condition. If I was worth going through the trouble of doctor's appointments, invasive exams, regular and hefty bloodwork, or the trial and error of medication options. If I would have to keep doing it alone.
It's possible, I've come to find.
I really hope that you find your person. The guy who holds you through the pain, and will never tell you to just suck it up so he can have a good time. The guy who will hold your hand through your doctor's visits and advocate for you to be heard and understood when those bastards try to tell you the pain is all in your head. The guy who will hang onto every word you say because to him, it is the most important thing in the world. That guy exists. I really hope he's on his way to you now. You deserve nothing short of the best.
don’t believe it.
your mother is a liar.
This is real as fuck. Thanks
every time you post a new piece i get so excited to moan and groan in agony while reading it because your prose is so exceptional. never stop writing ms wolk.
“I didn’t understand her dogma about sex being the anchor to love and monogamy, because love and monogamy were carrying the cake with four hands at every birthday party before middle school and sex packed boxes into a U-Haul and changed your zip code.” GOD
I always felt ostracized as an impotent woman by the Canadian cigarette packaging that warns about male impotency. What about me? It’s probably not helping me either. Anyways, you would be a great comic while in love too.
This is going to sound like the dumbest thing you've heard this year, but do something like, find a Shaman, drop DMT, and ask them directly what's going on and what to do. The answers aren't going to be on this side, or not quick enough, I fear.
Why is this not dumb? Because women who've had vaginismus and difficult, fearful births also have symptoms lessen when they get more insight into what's going on. Trauma, past lives, who knows? A thousand stories and it's different for everyone. Even if they don't wake up with a different miracle body, it starts a path somewhere that doesn't end.
And don't over emphasize penetration, it's not the big mojito, or doesn't have to be.
god, the way you write is goooorgeous. I kept copying lines into my clipboard that I wanted to just quote in a comment and say "wow" and then I collected too many so I'm just saying this. I scrolled past this on my work computer the first time (so didn't click haha) and I am soooo glad it came up on my feed again!
Sounds like Ladyboy problems. Ugh.
Love this